ON THE LIGHTER SIDE

A man with a stammer went into a betting shop and said to the manager, ‘ I’ve b-b-b-backed a f-f-five t-t-..

‘Five to one?’ said the bookie.

‘N-n-no,’ said the stammerer, ‘I’ve b-b-backed a f-f-five t-t-..’

‘Five to two/’asked the bookie, trying to be helpful.

‘N-n-no,’ said the man. ‘I-I-I’ve backed…’

Exasperated, the bookie said, ‘Here, take this tenner, I’m busy at the moment, we’ll settle up properly later.’

‘Okay, th-th-thanks,’ said the man and left. Outside, his mate said to him, ‘What did you back?’

‘I b-b-backed my f-f-five ton l-l-lorry into his c-c-car.’

The elderly stranger in the pub watched the locals playing darts.

‘I’ve never seen a dartboard before,’ he told them. ‘But it looks an interesting game. If you explain the rules I’ll play you for a few quid.’

A few explanations later the stranger had clearly got the message and he quickly cleaned the locals out.

Disgruntled they asked him, ‘How come you said you were new to darts?’

‘No, I said new to the dartboard. I was a prisoner of war for three years and all we had was a set of darts. I used to practice by pinning flies to the wall of the hut.’

‘Surely the blood made a bit of a mess?’

‘Not when you pinned ‘em by one leg.’

A man arrested for gambling came before the judge.

“We weren’t playing for money,” he explained to the judge. “We were playing for chips.”

“Chips are just the same as money,” the judge sternly replied. “I fine you 15 dollars.”

The defendant looked sad, then slowly reached into his pocket and handed the judge three blue chips.

Mr. Hanson died on the golf course, and no one wanted to tell his wife the bad news. Finally a friend placed the call.

“Joan,” he said, “Richard lost $5000 playing poker.”

“What!” She screamed. “He should drop dead.”

“Funny you should mention that…”

Young boy to mother: Y’know that antique vase you said has been handed down in our family from generation to the next, generation after generation?
Mother: Yes?

Boy: Well, my generation dropped it.